Nir told me, “In the service, you train to develop instincts so that you can act without thinking when under stress. As an officer, however, you must be able to think clearly during stressful situations, and this skill comes only from nature and experience. What you can develop, and what has become almost second nature, is the ability to plan. Break down large problems into smaller, manageable parts.”

Nir’s recovery was due to excellent health care and caregivers, support among his family and friends and his own determination and resilience. Breaking down his recovery into these smaller manageable parts helped Nir visualize his own recovery.  He wrote on his blog, “This past year has been the worst, and the best, of my life! It reminded me that our lowest moments become our greatest teachers, and taught me that vulnerability is the strongest path forward.”

Nir understood the difficulties of caregiving and was grateful for those who helped him, especially his wife. He wrote, “Spiritually, caregivers face an even more profound sense of isolation…. They are the unseen heroes in the recovery journey.” Like others who go through trauma, Nir and his family, , travelled together.

 

His grandmother, a Holocaust survivor, had been a tremendous influence on him all his life. She became a lifeline.  He shared, “She always found a reason why [to survive], a deeper reason, a stronger one. I think she lived the wisdom and I was lucky enough to learn from her.”

Nir divides each chapter into two parts. The first is a memoir, detailing his feelings, day to day events, conversations with family and friends, including his beloved grandmother, a Holocaust survivor and no stranger to trauma and his internal dialogue.

The second part, his analytical side, the problem solver, the engineer, created what he called a Reflection Space, his plan to recover, to deal with despair and anger, to measure progress, to deal with transitions, to create a positive space and a place for gratitude.  His plan followed the techniques of how he had systemically problem solved as a technology executive.  None of these are easy, smooth or static. All required constant work, recognizing ups and downs and maintaining perspective, difficult in crisis.

Nir changed his question from “Why me?” to “What now?” He transformed a 1% plan that he had read about in industry to his own improvement journey. When he didn’t improve to where he had been before his stroke, he succumbed to despair and depression. An antidote was to break down his improvement into tiny segments, giving himself credit for the slightest improvement, seeing the progression as hopeful rather than failing to achieve his ultimate end goal.

 

Nir described the importance of visualizing what he wanted his body to do. The body and mind work together, but after a stroke, the coordination has changed.  “My first breakthrough had been the realization that recovery began not in the muscles but in the mind…What surprised me was how exhausting this mental exercise proved to be.” The brain needs to work new pathways. The process is uneven, difficult, time consuming, and like getting in physical shape, is filled with achy muscles, un-coordination and a need to convince yourself that you can do it.  

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In the end, it is important to remember, despite the changes, the trauma, the long recovery, “I was still me. The stroke hadn’t taken that.”

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While still in recovery in the hospital, Nir made shakshuka for some of the staff. This beloved Israeli and Middle Eastern recipe is now made around the world. It's a favorite breakfast meal in Israel but good for any meal!